i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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