Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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