We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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