They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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