I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
