Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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