i think my tv is drunk
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
