Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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