You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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