you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
