Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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