he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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