i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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