I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize