I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so let's talk penis.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
