Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
