i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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