Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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