so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
