dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
