My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
