bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
