Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well I just put wine in my tea
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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