The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
