Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize