Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
MIDGETS
????
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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