Betty ford says i'm here all night
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
