i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
