I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
