have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
