The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
