i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
God I need to hump something, right now.