He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
