put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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