I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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