fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
