so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
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My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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