and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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