He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Welp...herpes.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
