Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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