At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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