After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I fill condoms, not promises.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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