What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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