My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize