Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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