dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
two words...techno handjob
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
