Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
