We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I currently don't understand fingers.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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