just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
