She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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