i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
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