apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
