She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
