if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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