I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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