I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
