It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
