your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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