so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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