i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
