Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
