3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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