I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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