3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Four minutes until I can fart!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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