can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
