well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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