im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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