I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
