Whod you bang
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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