I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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