Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
