sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
its not stalking. its research.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
