upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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