the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
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I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
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You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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