Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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