He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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