is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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