I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
