mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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