Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
