its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
